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Our History
A Man. Everything that really matters in life seems to have started with someone special. For us, that someone is Jim Lane. After twenty years with Goldman Sachs, Jim realized that his life needed to be re-focused. He knew that in spite of his success, he made some real mistakes. He felt the discomfort of isolation at the top of the game. He knew he really lacked Christian brothers who would come around him in times of need and who could lean on him when they were in trouble. He wanted to belong to something bigger than himself. He wanted a better relationship with his wife and children. He wanted more time with God. The discouragement he felt and the reflection it produced led him to make a decision that eventually had enormous consequences. He started talking with a few friends about a men’s fellowship group.
A Vision. Jim had no intention of replicating the kind of fellowship groups found in most churches. He knew that men whose lives were absorbed in the marketplace were really pretty terrible at deep and lasting relationships – especially with other men. He knew that the higher up the corporate ladder men moved in their careers, the more isolated they became. Men at the top often felt that they had no one who really understood their circumstances, and, most importantly, no one with whom they could share their deepest concerns and fears. He knew that they worked hard and played hard, and that those two elements could provide the soil for growing relationships. He knew that real friendships came out of living life together – good, bad or ugly. And he knew that if men were going to succeed at being good husbands, good fathers and good citizens, they needed God’s help and the help of others just like them. If the group that he had in mind had any chance of success, it had to be a place where men could be men; where intimacy and safety could grow because these brothers were wrapped up in each other’s lives by choice, not obligation. With this idea in mind, Jim started a Bible study/fellowship group in his home, hoping that somehow his vision would begin to materialize.
A Name. When Jim Lane decided to gather a close group of friends in order to pursue deeper relationships, he didn’t realize that a decade later the New Canaan Society would reach hundreds of like-minded men in the marketplace. But looking back on our history, we don’t think it’s an accident that Jim began in New Canaan. Long before Jim initiated the first meeting, God was engineering circumstances to bring about this revolution in relationships for men. And it started with the name.
Canaan, of course, is the biblical Promised Land. When Israel was rescued from bondage in Egypt, its destination was the land of Canaan. We think it not coincidental that this new venture into deeper relationships also promises a land where men participate in real community. We are leaving behind the bondage of our fragmented lives and journeying toward a new Canaan, a place where we are connected, where life together is rich and fulfilling – a place that feels just like home. We find it fascinating that the word canaan also means “merchant” or “trader.” That certainly describes our orientation.
So, “New Canaan” fits what we are all about. All we needed to add was the word “Society.” This is also purposeful. We are not a church or a para-church organization. We are an intentional community, a fraternity of men for men, who are committed to each other and to God. We thought about the power for cultural change when Wilberforce formed societies in England. We recognized the impact men had on family and community when they came together. We wanted to make a difference – in our lives and the lives of those in our marketplace. So, we became the New Canaan Society, a social community of men committed to hospitality, connections, companionship, unique customs, company and the fulfillment of the two great commandments: love God and love your neighbor.
A Commitment. Because the early members were friends before the group started, they stuck with it during first months of 1995. The turning point came when a core of eight men decided to go together to a Promise Keeper’s convention in Washington, D.C. What happened on that trip determined the direction for the New Canaan Society. What happened was life together, in conversation, camaraderie, humor, hassles, empathy and involvement. A group of men who knew about each other became real friends who knew each other; friends who were willing to open up with each other about their personal journeys. Years later, we recognize that this mutual experience established the direction for NCS, born out of an opportunity to actively care about each other because we just happened to be in the same place at the same time with the same goal. We stumbled into the magic, or maybe God pushed us there. Either way, something new began happening.
This core group tried to use materials from various available sources as it evolved into its present state. Some things worked. Some didn’t. In the process, we created the uniquely New Canaan Society flavor of fellowship. We discovered that we were much more than a group of men getting together every week. We learned that we were a group of men for men. We were about nourishing the specific issues that men in the marketplace really face; issues like executive loneliness, isolation, hiding behind the excuse of time management, over-achievement stress, relationship failures at home, addictions, personal struggles and genuine caring about someone else. As our focus became clearer, we saw that we evolved toward a community of men who enjoyed each other’s company, shared each other’s burdens and reveled in each other’s triumphs. We learned how to laugh together and cry together. We were becoming true brothers-in-arms.
A Community. NCS was a mixed-bag of individuals right from the beginning, and we found that this eclectic makeup made us much stronger. Our members came from all kinds of religious backgrounds and affiliations. We had an across-the-board representation of economic, academic and social positions. Over the years, we learned that all of this meant that there were no preconceived barriers to friendship. We learned to be just who we were, ordinary guys who wanted and needed deeper, lasting relationships. As a result of this open-ended environment, the men in our group grew spiritually and emotionally. Their lives were transformed, sometimes slowly, sometimes in sudden spurts. But always we felt the magic and the mystery when we just hung around with each other while experiencing the presence of Jesus. More and more men joined, intrigued at first and then committed when they discovered what worked for us worked for them.
A Ministry. The New Canaan Society began in 1995 as a gathering of men in the family room of Jim’s house. It grew organically from 8 to 10 to about 50 to 60 by 2000. As it grew, we began inviting outside speakers to share life with us. The speakers were impressive, occasionally well-known figures in the business, political and academic landscape, but the message remained consistent – “This is what I want to share with you from my own life.” In the next few years, the group hit 150 or more. It was so large that we had to move out of Jim’s house to find a bigger space. By that time, visitors to our fellowship were already starting groups in other locations. The pressure mounted to provide assistance for these start-ups. The first edition of the Playbook was written and distributed. Since then we have moved again into bigger facilities, but we have been careful not to lose the feeling of intimacy and sharing that got us going. We took some dead-end turns and had to retreat, but we always kept the goal of real community as the guiding principle. Today, we often have outside speakers, but we know that the real impact for transformed lives comes from sharing our own stories. There is nothing more powerful than really knowing the men you hang out with on Friday mornings.
A Gathering. In 1999, one additional significant element was added. We decided to gather once a year for a time of crazy relaxation, powerful spiritual growth and inter-connectedness. The first annual retreat hosted forty-five men. Today, this annual event sees more than 700 join in hilarious revelry, penetrating teaching and community esprit-de-corps. Now the annual retreat is a time for all the chapters to gather. The NCS Annual Retreat has been blessed by internationally-known speakers and top-performing musicians, but the magic is not at the podium or on the stage. The magic is in the hundreds of conversations , in shared meals, and in brothers locked arm-in-arm enjoying life together, sharing common struggles and realizing that someone’s got their back. Today, NCS draws men from every part of the country. They come because they know that there is something missing in the lives they lead. What they find is trustworthy friendship, allegiance to Jesus and safety among their peers. Once they experience the magic, life is never the same.
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